My first online blog entry.
Yikes.
It's a little scary to put myself out in the universe like this, but since I’m using a pseudonym I guess I'm not really putting myself out there. I'm putting "Celena" out there. Yup. I've decided to use the name Celena in this little world I'm creating here.
Just to set the stage so you all know what you're in for should you decide to tune into my online diary: This is not fiction. I'm going to be as honest as I can be about my thoughts, feelings, experiences, inappropriate celebrity crushes and daily caloric intake. The only thing I'm going to lie about is my name, the names of the people around me and any other identifying information that would draw a line between this blog and me as a person. Why, you ask? Well, the thing is, I exist in a fairly professional world where bitching about your job will get you fired and I can't express myself honestly without bitching about my job. A lot.
Also, I love my friends and family, but (as I'm sure everyone out there in the world would agree) they drive me fucking crazy sometimes.
Oh, I swear. Hope that's not a problem for you.
And, although they do drive me crazy and I plan to write about them, I would not hurt the people in my life for anything in the world. Reading a blog expressing my desire to hit my mother or best friend in the head with a rock because of a random fight we had might hurt their feelings. So, let's just not refer to them by their real names, shall we?
One final item before I introduce myself more fully: I said earlier that this diary is not fiction. It's not. But that doesn't necessarily mean it's all true, either.
Let me back up. You know that old saying that there are three sides to every story? Her side, his side and the truth? Well, I'm giving you my side of the story. The facts are probably going to be accurate, but let me say at the onset that my take on events may be completely wonky and tarnished through the lens of my own damaged viewpoint. Basically, I'm telling things as I see them so don't go all Oprah on my James Frey ass if you don't see things exactly the same way.
Oh, wait. I have one final, final note before we get started. You're probably wondering why I'm going to all the trouble of making my life stay anonymous only to shoot it into the stratosphere of the internet. Why not just buy a cheap spiral bound notebook and a pen and keep my thoughts hidden on my nightstand? Well, I've got lots of answers for you: I love the draw of the community of the internet; I'm hoping for insightful feedback from readers that will help me put events in focus; I want to be a writer someday and hope an online viewership will make me more attractive to an agent.
These are all legitimate answers and they're even true, but not correct.
The best answer is that I'm a fucked-up ball of inconsistency and contradictions. I want the attention an online blog brings but the anonymity I can hide behind. I want my mother to stop meddling in my life, but call her at least once a day. I easily manage a successful professional life, but somehow can't get my romantic life out of the toilet. I'm terrified of commitment but want nothing more than to find a nice man to settle down with. I responsibly pay my mortgage every month but dream about ditching my job and my bills to wait tables across the country while I gather material for a novel.
Welcome to my world. It's a mess.
